Yoga was easy at first. I was infatuated. I got up each morning, flew into class early enough to get the perfect spot, got on the mat and got sweaty and happy. Simple. This went on for quite some time. Of course, then followed the inevitable middle stage. I was still addicted, but it took a little more effort. It required lifestyle changes. Scheduling challenges with friends and family (!) cropped up. The honeymoon phase was over. I would often roll into the studio at the last minute and think as I began “I’m not sure this is really going to happen.” I clearly remember one teacher telling me, “You have got to have a little more fun with your yoga!” I was mortified. Yoga was the love of my life, so I thought. What did she mean I wasn’t having fun?
So why do I still practice yoga? Even without enlightenment, even without that initial perpetual bliss, even with aches, pains, and your average busy work life?
The short answer is this: I practice yoga because I have to. It grounds my day, and directs my energy (most of the time, anyway) and inspires me in so many ways, that I just can’t give it up. Despite all the challenges.
From the start, yoga made me feel good in a way no mere exercise could. And truthfully, though I am a very physical person, I always hated exercise. Pilates, gyms, sports, running. All these things made me cringe. And I could never bring myself to do them more than a couple of times. Dance always felt wonderful, but OY those mirrors! And the judgement! Fine as exercise, but not good for self esteem, at least in my case.
Yoga, on the other hand, helped me to be happier with myself (again, at least most of the time), it helped me treat myself well, which made me feel better more often, which inspired me to get back on the mat.
But here’s the thing, yoga is hard. Though most of the time I do want to get on my mat, there are many times I don’t. When I’m tired. When I have a cold. When the laundry is overwhelming. When I’ve eaten too much dessert the night before. When I’ve taught a tiring class and been up a long time but still haven’t hit my own mat. All good reasons to cop out.
But because I know the rewards, because I know it takes steadiness and dedication to reap said rewards, because I don’t like how I feel when I take forced breaks (say for a broken foot), I mostly get on my mat if at all possible.
And here’s where the real practice begins. I’m still in love, many years later. But it’s not that same first flush of infatuation. To fit yoga into a busy life (and really, who’s life isn’t busy?) takes dedication. You must carve out time on a regular basis as you would for a relationship, work, anything else important.
So, despite the fact that I often wish I could sleep later, stay up later on a week night, and let loose more often with my “eat, drink and be merry” husband, I find I feel worse for missing the yoga than for giving up a few of those previously taken-for-granted luxuries. I still go for them from time to time (fancy Mexican on the roof on a Monday night with the hubby? You know it!), but I have to work hard at the balance. And, it’s worth it.
The bottom line is Yoga is a constant challenge, with ups and downs and pitfalls, just like life. And like life, I’m in it for the long haul.
